Well folks, the time has come for this Tornado to destroy the next trailer park. An Atlanta magazine called Atlanta Illustrated has made the very poorly informed and potentially disastrous decision to take me on as a writer, and write I shall. Part of the deal is that what appears there cannot appear here. Fair enough. Nothing will change except the location. Sure, they may try and edit me, censor me for the sake of their precious advertising dollar, but I cannot be bought. Just kidding. For a couple hundred bucks I’d change my party affiliation and write about how if everyone did nice things like giving our money away and hugging one animal every day, we’d ascend to a new level of being as a community. Even though it would make me choke on my own bile to pretend to believe that shit, money makes the world go round. I will still be updating here from time to time with any material deemed inappropriate for said publication, and will probably be back here full time as soon as I drive away all of their regular readers and the company goes under. I’d give it three weeks. Feel free to start a betting pool.

There are many advantages to writing for Atlanta Illustrated, not the least of which is getting paid to write instead of paying to write. I consider each dollar to equal one advantage, so that’s around seven advantages per year and free beer at certain events. Somehow I have managed over the past two years at Diaryland to average over 2,400 hits per day and have over 40,000 on some days, YET NOT MAKE A SINGLE CENT. How can a webpage get 1.2 million hits in a month and not turn over a dime? Something about that is unamerican. Another good thing is that I will definitely be adding something every week instead of this sporadic posting here and there. I will also be writing alongside writers whom I admire instead of all of you jackwads. I kid with you. There are writers here who honestly scare me with the talent they have. I’m sure they will end up with huge book deals and crazy amounts of cash to throw away on hookers and blow, but halfwits like me have to move in baby steps. Right now I have to choose between hookers and blow. Can’t have both. Yet.

Damn, I’m writing with this feeling like I’m never going to see any of you again, when in reality I never have seen any of you and don’t even want to. Okay, maybe a few. I still hope to read your comments and sustain the twisted sense of dysfunctional community this place has fostered.

So I guess you’re going to want the link.

I’m the one who’s not a hot chick. Bookmark it, bitches.

If you are on my notify list, you will still get notified when I update. If not, sign up at the Atlanta Illustrated site, and you’ll get a notification when new issues come out every Wednesday.

Thanks to everyone for making this baby step possible.

*cue sad walking away ending theme song from “The Incredible Hulk”*

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