Well the last post certainly got some attention. In fact, it was even read by some of the fine folks at Comcast. I was at Best Buy on Sunday looking for one of those fancy astronaut remotes that control everything in your house, and guess who was setting up a kiosk to pimp out their latest ripoff?

They all had their Comcast shirts on, a festive frozen drink maker, a bunch of movie posters, and a pile of forms you can fill out if your life could use some added misery. I told them I would fill out their form on one condition – that they visit Salamitsunami.com and read what people are saying about them. I was very insistent, and one of the guys had it on his laptop screen as I walked away, leaving them with a fully filled-out application.

What did I put on the application? Well, back in February I had a check stolen. The company I work for sent me a check for about $700 and it just never showed up. After some digging it was discovered that the check had been stolen from the mail (presumably) and cashed right here in Atlanta. A little more digging on my part revealed that one Cosmas P. Magalle was the guy who stole it – forged my signature and everything.

Have the cops done anything? No, and they won’t, because Mr. Magalle does not have any money. Look at the stuff that really gets law enforcement moving; you will find lots of dollar signs in and around it. No resources to chase down this asshole even with a name and address, but somehow all the time in the world to ticket a law-abiding taxpayer with a broken tail light.

Georgia just started “click it or ticket” – a delightfully rhymey little campaign to get more money from people who have cars. No seat belt? Guess who gets a fine and has to pay more for insurance. This begs the question – ever seen a seat belt on a fucking school bus? You know, those big yellow vehicles hurtling down the highway full of our most precious little gifts from heaven? Seat belts? Anyone? No. Why? Because kids don’t have any money to pay a fine for not wearing one, that’s why. I’m pretty sure my check fraud case is about as high a priority for the cops as customer service is for Comcast.

Just to clear things up, I do not think cops are dicks. Some are, but the traffic cop has become more of a mobile tax unit than a champion of safety/protector of citizens.

I still haven’t gotten the money from my vendor (even though I sent them a notarized forgery affidavit and jumped through all requisite hoops – and no, I’m not going to sue them or make a big deal about it just yet, as I do not bite the hand that continues to feed me), but I did find out quite a bit about the guy who stole it, including his phone number and address.

I keep this information with me for occasions just like this. I confirmed that he does still live at the address I found and has the phone number I found, and he has had an interesting past few months. I do hope he has enjoyed it and that he spent the $700 on something good, because I’m pretty sure he has lost his job. He might also be NAMBLA’s newest member and have some white supremacist literature on its way to his house. It’ll look good when the Hoveround (r) sales rep shows up. Allegedly.

One day I will write an entry about getting even. Or as I like to call it, “Giving the karmawagon a little shove in the right direction”.

It is 3 am and I am watching an infomercial about a bracelet that uses “Magnetic and ionic energy to create natural frequencies that improve balance, strength, and flexibility”. First of all, happy birthday to my brother. Second, how is this legal? If I wanted to cut down a tree on my own property, I would have to pay thousands of dollars for soil studies and endangered species protection just so I could be told I couldn’t do it. But it’s okay for grifters to go on national television and tell outright lies? Really? Didn’t I mention in the last post that sometimes I just can’t blame the terrorists for hating us just a little? Not enough to kill us by the thousands, but if I had my house egged or a flaming bag of dog poo appeared on my porch, I might just shake my fist in the air and say “Youuu. You…rascals.” and chuckle to myself.

Oddly, I have yet another customer service story. However I will balance this one out with a heartwarming tale of the sort of thing that reminds me that there may be hope.

Last Friday I was helping my buddy move into his new apartment. You may remember “David” (those are air quotes) from the radio show and this entry. Well, update time – he has moved into an apartment with his dogs and seems about as happy as I have ever seen him. We left at 7 am to pick up a truck he had rented for the move. He called Penske and reserved it two days prior and was told to come pick it up at their facility on Marietta street, about 5 miles from his house.

When we got there, they were unable to find his truck. They shuffled papers around importantly and asked him a bunch of questions. He confirmed that he had called the number that makes the phone ring in the building in which we were standing, double checked the name, etc. Finally they located the reservation and said “Oh. Here it is. Your truck is in Forest Park.” Forest park is fifteen miles to the south and we have folks showing up at his house in 30 minutes, so things were complicating slightly.

This is where my ears rotated toward the problem and my brain started formulating a solution. “David” (who told me he is okay with everyone knowing that his real name is Christian) said, “Well, what else do you have? I don’t think I really need the 24 footer. Is there anything else available?”

See, this is an example of a customer trying to create his own service where none may exist. Here is some advice for Penske and every other retail company out there – even if every truck is gone and there is no way to make things right, take a second to just pretend you give a flying fuck about the person in front of you. Even if you genuinely want them to drop dead at that moment, just put on the appearance of having a shit to give. look at your computer monitor with intense concern, say something like “Let me check with Mr. Penske” and go back into your office and play with your balls while we think you are looking for every possible answer to the problem. Then come back out and say empathetically, “I called around and we really do not have anything available at all except the one in Forest Park. We only have one guy there or we’d have someone drive it here for you. I apologize.”

And if you want that customer to return someday with more money and possibly more customers, say something like “We’ll charge you the 18 foot rate for the 22 foot truck since you have to go into the fucked up breeding ground of laziness and poverty known as Forest Park to get your truck. Here. Borrow my gun.” or “Can I offer any boxes, packing blankets, or perhaps this helpful Mexican gentleman for your trouble?”

See, gestures like these cost you almost nothing. Lack of gestures like these cost you untold thousands in lost business because we will never return, never recommend your company, and one of the guys standing on the other side of the counter is a self-important blowhard who will put the whole story on the internet for thousands to read.

Instead, we heard “We don’t have anything. Everything is rented. When you get to Forest park, ask for Jim.” Don’t quote me on the name. Dunno if it was Jim or not. It was whomever answered the phone at 7:38 am on Friday, July 30.

It wasn’t my fight, but I was reading the pricing guide to see what we could use as leverage. Christian is not wealthy and neither am I. He was trying to rent a truck at the cost of $175 for the day plus $1 a mile. We just added $30 to the tag for an unnecessary drive to and from Forest Park.

When we got in the car, I said “This place sucks. How hard is it to get your shit together enough to have a truck 15 miles north of where it is with two days notice?” Christian was dialing the number, saying, “Now watch, since I’m late picking it up, these assholes probably rented it to someone else. If I ran this show, I’d have someone driving that bitch up here right now. That’d be a power move.”

“Well, it’s your call, but if I were you I’d see if they can waive the mileage fee for the extra 30 miles since it isn’t your fault.”

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll waive that, if they didn’t I’d be- Oh, Hello Jim? Yes, this is Christian. Just left the place on Marietta. I wanted to make sure you had the truck…Yeah. About 20 minutes probably…and hey, since I’m having to drive an extra 30 miles, can we take that mileage off the price? I’ll still pay what I would have paid if the truck was where it was supposed to be…”

And then I overheard something with the words “can’t do anything for you there.”

I was trying to keep my voice down and the car on the road as I came unglued. You know how you try to yell in a whisper like if you’re trying to execute a panty raid at the juvenile women’s detention center and your dumbass buddy is making a lot of noise in the maternity ward and you need to get his attention without waking the sleeping expectant mothers? That was me all scream whispering – “TELL THAT DANG BUTTHOLE TO JAM IT UP HIS WEINER. GOSH VVVV-MMMM. DARN JERKS THINK THEY’RE THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN. THEY CAN JUST..TAKE A HIKE.”

I’m sorry, but ranting without a good F-bomb just lacks the power required to convey true anger.

Christian and I are a pretty good team when it comes to solving problems. We have built things and repaired stuff together, and we both tend to think on our feet fairly well. He is also good-looking and single, ladies. After he hung up and I was free to say so, I recommended we invite them to have intercourse with themselves. However, we really didn’t have many options on short notice. Howeverever, there is more than one way to rape a cat.

I exited the highway in midtown. “Wrong way. We are nowhere near Forest Park, Captain Scott.” Christian politely remarked.

“I think I have an idea. Let’s check and see if The Home Depot has any trucks for rent. They’re open topped, but we’re only going three miles and it’s not going to rain today.”

Spot on, Dusty. I’ll call the guy in Forest Park and tell him we’ll be a little longer.”
“Fuck the guy and fuck Forest Park. Make his stupid ass wait. Hopefully it costs them money.”
“True. After all the shit I have been through in the past few months, I am done being a goddamn doormat. Of course, if Home Depot or Lowe’s don’t have anything available we’re headed down there anyway.”
“I wouldn’t rent a towel from those assholes if I was covered in muskox urine and spiders. I’ll strap your shit to my back and carry it to the new place if I have to.”

I like overpromising when I feel self-righteous. Which is pretty much always.

So we get to Home Depot and they have three trucks that are more than capable of doing what we need. I’m not positive about the exact price, but we were able to rent 2 trucks for far less than the cost of one at Penske. Not only that, but the folks at Home Depot were actually helpful. 10 minutes later we were out the door, each in our own truck. Christian called the Penske place back to cancel his order, and to their credit and my amazement they do not have a policy to charge customers if they cancel an order. That would have spun me into a new universe of violence.

They did hilariously say “Well, Christian, hold on. Maybe we can work something out on that price.”

Too. Fucking. Late. Dick. Head. That window is closed. The opportunity has passed. So has the chance that I will ever rent from you or miss the chance to talk others out of renting from you.

It’s not that it was even such a massive insulting oversight or even would have been such a huge inconvenience. We were not yelled at, threatened or otherwise abused. It is quite simply that this minor issue was SO EASILY AVOIDED AND MADE BETTER. One sentence, even if it was a lie, may have ensured you got Christian’s money. An additional sentence and some way of really “making things right” would ensure at least two loyal customers for a very long time.

Home Depot now has those customers. I like Lowe’s too (because it is closer to my house), but Let’s get to the heartwarming part – When I returned one of the trucks, the guy asked me if I had filled it up. I had forgotten because we had only driven about nine miles and I didn’t think about it.

“Well, You should probably go top it off. If we do it it’s like spladammity dollars.”
“So what? It’s not my money. Have a good one.” *over the shoulder key-toss*

Kidding. I took it to the gas station and proceeded to put $40 worth of gas in it. This means either it wasn’t full when I picked it up or this is officially the least efficient vehicle on the planet.

My mind started spinning up. Surely I just wasted $30 and would have to spend so much time fighting this that it would eventually become not worth my time and I’d be writing yet another angry blog…

Not so.

When I returned the truck, I told the guy “Yeah, I know this is going to end in a gunfight, but I don’t think that truck was full when I picked it up. $40 seems like a lot for nine miles’ worth of gas.

Astoundingly, Matt (the most awesome human being in the universe at that moment) said. Oh, okay. We’ll refund some of that to the card. What do you think is fair?

I thought I was going to weep with joy. Home Depot has hired people who understand how to deal with problems. Not only that, but they are empowered to use their judgment to solve these problems instead of some bullshit “policy” that involves calling a manager and filling out forms in triplicate.

We soon arrived at a number based on the mileage and MPG of the truck, and he refunded it to the card.

“Matt, you have no idea what a great thing you just did.”
Matt looked at me like I had just asked him to recite Pi to 304 places.
“Seriously. I’m writing a letter to your manager. What’s his name?”
“Thanks, man. My manager is Rick and the store manager is John.”
“Yeah, write that down on the receipt so I can keep it straight.”
“No problem. Thanks again.”
“My pleasure. Have a great day.”

And I walked out to my car, thinking about the difference between a positive experience and a negative one. Negative experiences are far more intense than positive ones. That is why so many people spend so much time worrying about the one bad thing that happened while ignoring the dozen or so good things. However, positive feedback is a much better teacher than negative, and I decided a while back to try something different. I have written lots of letters and emails in the past few years praising the people who do the little things to improve the customer experience.

Amanda – the girl at the parking garage who smiled and said “have a nice day” when I paid my $4 instead of regarding me with the contempt of a scorned lover. I was never her lover. Just trying to illustrate the look I usually get from parking lot attendants.

Vermon – the Terminix guy who almost saw me naked and checked the termite bait and recommended a solution even though I didn’t pay for that service.

Marcy – the lady at the Dekalb County Tax Assessor’s office who actually took the time to find answers to my questions, and remembered me when I called back.

Bill – Manager at the Dept of Watershed who helped me get my water turned on without having to threaten anyone’s life

Oh, I’m not letting anyone get away with bad customer service. Trust me on that one. I’m just making sure I am as diligent with praise as I am with criticism. Much easier to be negative than positive, but sweet baby jesus, everybody, we are the consumers. The people with the money to spend. All we really ask is for an unremarkable experience. Anything above that should be praised if we ever expect things to get better.

Knocknocknock – “Sir? Sorry.”
I shat a tad as I was in full daydream when Matt knocked on my car window.
“I need the keys to the truck.”

41 Responses to “One more about customer service (or lack thereof)”

  1. on 04 Aug 2010 at 4:40 pm davejase

    Great ending.

    Always great when you get into these prolific phases… thanks Dusty
    Hope you wrote to Matt’s managers (feel like we’re on a first name basis now)

    Keep rockin, keep rantin…thanks Dusty

  2. on 04 Aug 2010 at 4:45 pm Pete Nuccio

    Love your stuff – you’re even eclipsing “The Best Page in the Universe” (by Maddox the Pirate) as my favorite cool place to read angry rants. But seriously – the guy at Terminix was named “Vermon”? Really?

  3. on 04 Aug 2010 at 4:50 pm Janet

    I work for a convenience store company…sigh…’nough said.

  4. on 04 Aug 2010 at 4:54 pm AndyR

    Dusty,
    You are so right. Where has all the service gone? These people just don’t get it anymore. Keep on exposing their deficiencies. I’ll do my part and pass it on! Also, the praise is great! I like to know who does a good job, too! I would much rather spend my hard-earned dollars with someone that at least pretends to have your best interests at heart!

  5. on 04 Aug 2010 at 5:03 pm John

    Sounds like Penske and Comcast may have caught the same disease from the Customer Service whore.

    I’ve never dealt with either company, and guess what? I never will.

  6. on 04 Aug 2010 at 5:09 pm Philly Paula

    You’re right, most people don’t give a sh*t about customer service. I was in a store once with a friend waiting literally 25 minutes for someone to help us with electronics. It was a small store. Everyone could see us. Tick tock tick tock – we were invisible. He finally turned around, faced the employees and customers and screamed at the top of his lungs, “HEEEEELLLLLP!!! He got his customer service. I felt like picking up a display rack and smashing the glass on the case until he came up with his brilliant strategy. And Lowes was very kind to me after renting a truck once. They screwed up my rental so they gave a different truck to me practically for free. I love those people. And I love your blog.

  7. on 04 Aug 2010 at 5:10 pm Lori

    Some jackwad smashed out the drivers side window in my truck on a Saturday in July, whilst I was out languishing in a boat on one of our lovely Wisconsin Lakes…upon calling the police (the non-emergency number – I know when NOT to call 911), I was informed that I couldn’t actually talk to an officer – I had to leave a message. Said message would result in a returned phone call during regular business hours. Really?!

    I did not receive a call back until WEDNESDAY. Nice.

    After paying the $250 deductible to get the window fixed & dealing with the general pain-in-the-assishness of it all, things are back to normal. I have gained the mother of all excuses for not being able to find things, though….”oh, that was stolen when some douche loaf broke into my truck”.

    To the thief: I hope you’re enjoying my smelly old running shoes, sweaty running clothes and dank towel that were in my backpack, along with my EMPTY purse (I’m not dumb enough to actually leave my wallet with cash & credit cards in there) & crappy iPod Nano crammed with ’80s tunes. Nyah.

  8. on 04 Aug 2010 at 5:11 pm Lori

    Oh, and I can’t wait for the Cosmas P. Magalle retribution diatribe.

  9. on 04 Aug 2010 at 5:23 pm Uzy

    Glad I got to hear it first hand on that hot-as-hell Friday morning. Those fucking jack asses. I hate them all. And the list keeps growing.

    At least we got Christian moved to “Babe Central.”

  10. on 04 Aug 2010 at 6:12 pm bree

    Dusty – love the karma you heaped on Cosmas P Magelle. I’ve been in similar situations, so signed the douche bag up for everything from menopause relief to dick enlargement. The cops did nothing as per your experience.

    Keep the faith – I won’t be renting from Penske anytime soon.

  11. on 04 Aug 2010 at 6:55 pm Jeanie

    Aw, man, you are making me fall in love. But, since you’re all married now, maybe you could hook me up with Christian.

  12. on 04 Aug 2010 at 7:43 pm Ken JP Stuczynski

    Awesome.

    I should write one about U-Haul .. I mean U-Hell.

  13. on 04 Aug 2010 at 8:58 pm Eric

    Awesome post! Salami you rock! Dusty is a cool name too.

  14. on 04 Aug 2010 at 10:56 pm Dad

    A friend’s son’s house was broken into and the local gendarme was called to investigate. The first officer looked it over and declared no break in occurred, and refused to investigate (probably too much paperwork). That evening when the son returned he examined one of the many cameras he has around his house and this is the result:

    http://www.ajc.com/news/alleged-soccer-mom-burglar-580059.html

    Did I mention he is a electronics whiz/burglar alarm installer/entertainment center installer/ I could go on, but you get the picture.

  15. on 04 Aug 2010 at 11:14 pm Dad

    PS: A crew from Inside Edition came out and did an interview. I haven’t heard when it will air.

  16. on 04 Aug 2010 at 11:34 pm Favorite Sister

    Just so you know Penske sucks out here in the west as well. My friends are moving to California and had to rent a truck in Logan Utah. They are telling me the full story tonight. She is a school teacher for 3rd and 4th graders, and said they could have done a better job than the people at the Penske office.

  17. on 05 Aug 2010 at 1:17 am Jumper

    Hey, I’m up here in Pa., and I, like you have had some very positive experiences with Home Depot. Make sure you write to Matt’s boss. You strike me as the type who knows the right thing to do.

    I really enjoy reading your stuff.

  18. on 05 Aug 2010 at 4:17 am James

    On the same topic:

    A friend of a colleague of my wife (that’s four degrees removed from me) recently visited the Witchery (a boutique hotel in Edinburgh) with his wife to celebrate their wedding anniversary. They’d already checked out the rooms and decided that the huge marble bath just had to be tried before dinner. Unfortunately, no hot water. They called reception who tried to get the plumber called out to take a look. That would take around an hour so they decided to go down to dinner and postpone the bath. A bottle of (good) champagne was laid on free of charge for their inconvenience. So far, so good. They get back to their room and still no hot water. Reception apologise profusely: the plumber had done what he could but need parts not available until the morning (or something). Being mild-mannered folks (and drunk on fine champagne) they write this off to bad luck: they’ve had a lovely evening anyway, no point in stressing.
    The next morning, when checking out, they were politely informed that to compensate for their inconvenience their entire meal was on the house. And the room. And when they got home later that morning, another bottle of champagne, a bouquet of flowers and a voucher for a free room and meal in the future were waiting for them.

    All that would have cost the Witchery a few hundred pounds at most. I have personally told that story to four different groups of people. Bearing in mind that I am four people removed, that illustrates the power of good customer service. Now, if any of you fine folks visit Edinburgh, you’ll definitely be checking out the Witchery.

    {For info, there are better restaurants in the area (Edinburgh’s blessed with a plethora of great eateries) but the hotel rooms are pretty special.}

  19. on 05 Aug 2010 at 7:40 am FussyBritchesHole

    SEE?!?

    And when I say that kind of shit here in Oz, I get “oh, you fussy Americans…” and I end up looking like an ass.

    My point remains nearly identical to yours mate, and that is that things that could’ve been easily avoided should’ve been, and if they’re not then swift and humbling retribution shall decendeth uponest thee.

    I’m just as quick to reward the good ones too, thanks to Shirley for the dollar off on the KL Laksa, and Kelly at Telstra who refused to put me on hold again after I’d been placed there a record 14 times in 27 minutes.

    Mad loves.

    And thanks to the D-Bag for the validation.

  20. on 05 Aug 2010 at 8:23 am Anne

    I recently wrote a letter of praise to the Clark County School System in Las Vegas, NV. Hubby & I went to a baseball game at Cashman Field to watch the Las Vegas 51’s—on what happened to be “education day” with 10,000 elementary school children. Crud, we thought–there goes our enjoyment of the game. I was so impressed with the organization of the teachers/parents, and the behavior of all of the children, I emailed the school board to tell them how proud they should be, of their teachers and students. People need to hear that kind of stuff more often. Thanks, Dusty, for sharing the good along with the bad/funny.

  21. on 05 Aug 2010 at 11:52 am Nancy

    NAMBLA is a real organization??? Holy crap. I thought it was just something South Park made up.

  22. on 05 Aug 2010 at 2:44 pm Cosmas P. Magalle

    You son of a bitch. You can have your $700 back if you’ll leave me alone.

  23. on 05 Aug 2010 at 2:49 pm Christian

    Sorry Cosmas, but the taunting has yet to even begin. Enjoy the $700…

  24. on 05 Aug 2010 at 6:03 pm Heather

    What did we all do to be so blessed? I get a little tingle when I check my feeds and see a new post…so you’re definitely spoiling me lately!

    Love the new post, and Christian is lucky to have a friend like you. Nothing points out to you who your real friends are like moving! Best of luck to him as he jumps back into the dating pool.

    Oh…and Cosmas can go suck it! He’ll wish the cops had charged him by the time you’re done with him!

  25. on 06 Aug 2010 at 8:31 am Jim (Not from Forest Park)

    Dusty —

    Man, I love your blog.

    I’d love to know if Comcast has ever responded. It sounds like they have all your info on the application… then again, as big as they are, it may have merited a “meh.”

    I’ve done what you’ve done in terms of praising the little positive things that those in the service industry do to make consumers’ lives better — especially in restaurants. If someone making piss-poor wages on the front line is able to do their job with a good attitude and it makes the meal all-the-more enjoyable — I have to commend it, as those little, often ignored gestures make all the difference. Help to shovel some of the feces tossed on me daily? You’re getting a high five.

  26. on 06 Aug 2010 at 9:59 am Nichole

    Shouldn’t it be “Cosmass”…?

  27. on 06 Aug 2010 at 12:57 pm Ryan

    Pretty much every vehicle rental company (and cable TV company for that matter) can suck my left nut.

    The one thing those big box stores do right, is rentals. I’ve even had them waive the insurance fee when I bring stuff back without damage. Lots of letters and calls to store managers to praise the positive experiences.

    Keep ranting, man. I love it!

  28. on 06 Aug 2010 at 1:12 pm JMH in NJ

    Sign Cosmas P. Magalle up for a donation to the Democratic National Party and NARAL (fine organization both) but they NEVER leave you alone. You could actually enjoy carefully signing him up for donations to every solicitation you get in the mail for the next year. They will call him every other day for money and drive him crazy.

  29. on 07 Aug 2010 at 1:43 pm Steve P.

    Dusty, I just wanted to let you know your RSS feed isn’t working in case you didn’t know. Oh and of course I’m really loving your latest stuff.

  30. on 10 Aug 2010 at 2:21 pm sue

    you should hire yourself out to write about shitty service/treatment. We’ve recently had some “bad luck” because of ppl acting like dickheads when they needn’t. sure, i could blog about it, but no one reads my blog. i’d love to see something done, because you just know these guys are going to keep on being dickheads because there is no LEGAL recourse. So ya..this could be a pretty lucrative business…blog-revenge. i mean, *I* wouldn’t hire you, cuz i’m flat broke & dirt poor..but i’m sure someone would. as always, a pleasure reading your blog 🙂

  31. on 13 Aug 2010 at 2:55 pm Diane

    You know, I love those moments when you see something so stunning in both beauty and complexity that it takes your breath away… sunsets, rainbows… and today’s word of the day, “Spladammity”. That’s the most beautiful damn word I’ve ever seen! I’d love to use it, but somehow I feel unworthy.

  32. on 17 Aug 2010 at 1:21 pm randi

    “Shat a tad” and “JAM IT UP HIS WEINER”…two ways you made me guffaw. Further, you’re ALWAYS RIGHT. People who disagree with you should be melted by God on the spot.

  33. on 22 Aug 2010 at 7:08 am Bingoguy

    Ah. Customer Service. It’s as rare a breed as common sense.

  34. on 26 Aug 2010 at 6:03 pm agedout

    Hey Dusty,

    I recently discovered your blog and found you quite amusing. After reading the most recent 2 entries, i decided to go back and start from the beginning.

    I’ve been reading for about 2 weeks now when i get a chance and am up to May of 2004 and admit am concerned that you’ve only written one blog in the month of August 2010. I hope you are ok, as it won’t be long before I am “current” on your blog.. whatever will i do with my time at work then???

    Keep up the funny man and congrats on all you pilot stuff.

  35. on 27 Aug 2010 at 8:12 am Stefanie

    Dusty,
    I just wanted to tell you that I bragged to all my facebook friends that sometimes you write things so funny, I’m compelled to print them out, shred them, cover my bed with them and roll around in them naked.

    I then discovered I have several friends who feel the same way.

    I’m a little nervous this could be the start of something very disturbing…

    that is all.
    Stef

  36. on 03 Sep 2010 at 12:35 am Bingoguy

    Dude! You get ALL the crazy chicks. How DO you DO it?!

  37. on 28 Sep 2010 at 5:08 pm leslie

    …………………….come ON, man…..write something……….

  38. on 15 Oct 2010 at 11:57 pm AgentAce

    Your stories never fail to bring a smile (or at least a half-assed sort of smirk) to my face. Keep on rocking in a free world, my friend.

  39. on 04 Nov 2010 at 10:34 am Jason

    Still waiting for your next blog entry. My best assumption is that you are slaving over the keyboard penning comments for the long awaited sequel; “Worst Album Covers 3”.

    Please pretty please with a cherry on top, can you do Worst Album Covers 3? I have looked at one and two more than a dozen times and they still make me laugh, but I yearn for more!

  40. on 09 Nov 2010 at 3:43 pm MelissaInAz

    Don’t be a douche. Update.

  41. on 12 Nov 2010 at 12:26 pm Cosmas

    I tried to file a complaint with Salami Customer Service department about lack of blog entry, but I can’t seem to find the department?

    Please advise.

    Sincerely,

    Cosmas