Note to anyone who cares – This entry has been re-posted from November 9 due to the fact that shitass wordpress is haunted by deletergeists. All of the comments were unfortunately deleted, too, but there is nothing I can do about that.

Well, the election is over. Nice work, but it does more or less solidify my opinion that our society is making too many important decisions based on what feels good instead of thinking ahead. Of course, I don’t know any better than anyone else what will actually happen, but I do have an abundance of common sense, and my common sense is telling me stuff that makes me nervous.

That being said, I am a positive person, and will henceforth concentrate on what good can and should come of this change. If the last eight years have taught me anything, it is that the people who spent the most time parroting anti-Bush slogans are pretty useless individuals and really came across as little whiny bitches. Plus, he is the president of this country, and I love this place, so I’m going to pull for us regardless of my opinion of his politics. The race is over and the winner is Obama. Now is the part where I figure out how to win.

Let’s see. I guess international opinion of the United States is bound to change somewhat and hopefully for the better. In reality, we are better off being respected than liked, so I’m still unclear why everyone thinks that we need to be liked around the world, but hey, good juju is good juju. If you think that our being liked will stop crazy people from wanting to blow us up, you are as incorrect as you can be, though. In any case, maybe we’ll finally start to get some other nations on board with a few plans to stop burning coal and otherwise wrecking the earth. While we’re at it, maybe we’ll get our own asses in gear and build a few nuclear plants like we should have 35 years ago.

I’m not an environmentalist for the sake of the trees and the ice caps and stuff, but more a pragmatic environmentalist. If we keep putting garbage in piles in the ground, we will eventually run out of places to put it and raw materials to make more stuff that we can turn into garbage. I recycle out of the “don’t be an asshole” philosophy. Unfortunately, somewhere between 70 and 90% of what we recycle locally ends up in landfills anyway (they apparently don’t have the facilities or manpower to clean and recycle much of it).

This doesn’t really bother me much either, and here’s why – in WWII, Americans were encouraged to save bacon grease and various kinds of metal for use in munitions. Most (if not all) of it was dumped into landfills or used for other things, but it was an effective campaign to get the general public on board and give them a feeling that they were helping. I think that getting people in the habit and building a sense of awareness and urgency will go a long way to cleaning stuff up when we finally have the infrastructure to do so.

A big part of why we are falling behind in the world economy is that we have to pay absurd wages to our workers and adhere to all of the standards that make sure we aren’t puking toxins into the sky. All of this drives our costs up. Other countries say “feh” to that and are able to run factories that are fueled by whales and spotted owls. Maybe they’ll listen to the new president and start trying to behave like adults. I don’t think anything will change as long as money exists, but it’s a theory.

If the “rich” are going to be taxed more heavily, there will definitely be a market for offshore accounts and other ways to shelter income. Real estate in places like St. Croix will go through the roof, so if you have some bucks to invest, I’d be looking for what these people are going to be doing to avoid a tax increase and figure out how to get on board.

History has shown us over and over (yet we never seem to learn) that corporations and people with money do not pay taxes. They are smarter than that. That’s how they got rich. If you make it more expensive for them to run their company, they will pay employees less, increase the price of what they are selling, and/or look to other countries for less expensive labor. The very last thing to be cut will be their bottom line.

Now instead of bitching about how you will be negatively affected, how about you realize that anywhere someone loses; someone lost an opportunity to win. Find that opportunity and stop whining. If product x is going to cost more due to these factors, now might be a good time to invest in product x. Oversimplified theory, I know, but you get the point.

Socialized whatever – I’m against it, of course. Maybe it works in other countries, but I have seen what our government can and cannot do, and it comes down to this – When you need something from them, they are an archaic system of telegraphs and nasty grammar school educated spacktards who need you to fill things out in triplicate and deliver them in person between the hours of 4 and 4:13 on an odd numbered Thursday. However, when they can get money from you, they suddenly become a streamlined high-tech model of efficiency. Our government is very effective at taking money from its citizens and spending that money. Not so good at creating institutions that benefit us.

Public schools? Awesome – at a mere 15% illiteracy rate, our graduates will soon be bright enough to read their welfare checks. Postal System? Super great – the price goes up monthly, and they’ll get it there when they can (if they aren’t closed for a government holiday). Public safety? Not enough manpower to fix potholes or catch drug dealers and rapists, but more than enough to ticket every single car that sits at an expired parking meter. You’ll get a ticket if you don’t wear your seatbelt (because you need the government to treat you like a child to keep you safe), but please pay no attention to the big yellow bus full of children with not a seatbelt in sight. Is it for our safety, or is it that you can’t ticket a third-grader? Department of motor vehicles? There’s a great one. The list is endless.

Can’t we just put the government in charge of our infrastructure and our military and let private industry do the rest? You want to see a real tax cut? Let’s move toward that system. It has been proven over and over that private industry is infinitely better at most things. Private shipping companies, Private emergency services in states like Florida, Canada’s privatized air traffic control system, all have delivered far superior products and services to anything the government can do. Could you imagine a bunch of private DMV’s that were competing for your business? You think you’d ever get any attitude or wait in line for a driver’s license? Not if they wanted to stay in business.

So I look at what our government can and can’t do and I think, “Do I really want them in charge of my healthcare?” Not really. I know our system is broken, but I hate the idea of looking to the government as the solution to everything.

Again, if that measure does pass, there will be winners. I’m sure the enterprising spirit and a desire to pay off student loans for medical school will drive someone to a solution that will far outperform anything the government can do. And it’s not a matter of whether regulations will allow it, either. Remember when wages got too high for companies to pay? People have a way of figuring out solutions to their problems. Jobs went overseas and now everybody is crying about that. Maybe we should have listened to the smart people when all of this was being debated. History does tend to repeat itself.

Another good thing about this election’s outcome – PLEASE. And I’m begging here. Can we finally stop with the whole “This nation is horribly racist and minorities can’t succeed” bullshit? OUR PRESIDENT IS BLACK AND WAS ELECTED BY A VERY DECIDED MAJORITY. As a matter of fact, the richest, most powerful woman in the nation is also black. And a woman. So you are cordially invited to shut the hell up if you think that you can’t be successful in spite of your racial lineage or chromosomal package. Here’s the rub, though – it takes work and lots of mental exercise to do well.

That’s where most people fall flat. You mean I have to make little or no money for a period of my life before I can reap the rewards that the capitalist system has to offer? You mean I might be stuck with basic cable and a crappy cell phone package for a few years? YES. Now start busting your hump before someone beats you to it.

And don’t give me any of that “But with Obama in office, it’ll be even harder to succeed on your own merits – he wants to give your money away to the blah blah and make everyone all brave new world socialized yackety smackety” crap, either. You have a brain. You can figure out a way to succeed. If you can’t succeed here, you’d starve anywhere else.

Lastly, if you were not on the side of Obama in this election, please try to refrain from the conspiracy theories that retarded people used during the Bush election. “Obama had his grandmother killed before the election so she wouldn’t tell the truth about his nationality” “He is planning a military takeover of the citizens”, SHUT UP. People go retarded every time a new president gets into office, and the only thing that remains consistent is that those people sound stupid and none of the theories are ever substantiated. Take that energy and use it to make your life better. Trust me – nothing is as exhausting as hating something 24 hours a day.

So here’s to Obama – Although not my first choice (Nor was McCain, by the way), as long as he’s president, he’s my president. He’s yours too, so make it work.

On to more important things. Like fishing and drinking beer.

Fishing and drinking beer – This weekend some friends of mine and I are going down to Apalachicola for my bachelor party. Zoltar has a nice big house on the water, and we’re going to drink and fish until we can’t stand it anymore. A few friends were flummoxed when I specifically requested no strippers. Why, you ask? Simple. I have been to bachelor parties with strippers, and I have been to a strip club. Not since Rosie O’Donnell’s uterus has something so pointless been invented.

Some chick that no one knows shows up in big heels with a douchebag guy who assumes he can kick the shit out of the other nine guys in the room if things get out of hand. This guy is delusional because he thinks a) he’s going to make it as a DJ one day b) by “protecting” this girl, he might have a chance at banging her on the couch in his mom’s basement, and c) he’d have a prayer if the guys in the room went all rapey.

Now they bust out a mix CD with the typical stripper songs on it. The girl starts into her deadpan spiel about whatever Party City costume she is wearing “hey, I heard someone here needs a checkup”, or “we had a noise complaint and I’m here to investigate in my unbuttoned cop shirt and government issue leather miniskirt” or “Did someone order a tit pizza?” Whatever. Get to the naked, sweetheart.

So then she’s all naked with her scars and bruises up in your face, but you can’t touch her. Oh no. You have to give her your money, but hands off, mister. Worst part is (at bachelor parties, anyway), they try to get the guy in his skivvies for some reason. I can’t imagine a time I would be more flaccid than being mostly naked in front of my friends. This goes on for an hour, and then she uses one of your hand towels to wipe the banana bits off of her lady business, gets dressed, and goes back to her abusive dad’s trailer.

So here’s the breakdown – A chick that smells like a guinea pig cage rubs her junk on and around you and ruins a perfectly good towel. You then give her money that should have been spent on beer and she goes home. You wasted an hour and $100.

Maybe when I was 22 I would have enjoyed that. I’m 36 and have seen plenty of naked girls. Some of them were even in person. And of those, a surprising number were alive and conscious. So yeah, I’d rather just drink the beer and catch the fish.

Funny Story about a bachelor party my brother and I hosted a few years ago – these two chicks showed up to do the dancer thing, and I made the mistake of asking one why she brought her mom. Neither of them had much to say to me after that. The two reportedly did coke in our bathroom and we had to burn and bury all of our towels. They smelled like boiled eggs and no one wanted to know why.
At one point, the girls were pouring booze on their hoohas and making some idiot drink it. Apparently, alcohol burns open sores, and one of them asked if she could get some water to clean up with because her junk was on fire. I ran to the kitchen and returned with a turkey baster full of milk.

Of course, the guys in the room nearly lost their mud with laughter, but Sinnamon and Secretia were quite offended.

When I get back I’m sure I’ll have lots of pictures and stories to tell. If you’re out there this weekend and want to toast to the memory of my singlehood, feel free. I think I’ll miss it, but I also think I outgrew it a couple of years ago.

5 Responses to “Hope Cometh astride a Mighty Unicorn of Change”

  1. on 05 Jan 2009 at 10:46 pm Jonn

    >If the last eight years have taught me anything, it is that the people who spent the most time parroting anti-Bush slogans are pretty useless individuals and really came across as little whiny bitches.

    Not to mention laughing at all the “Bush is dumb” jokes, which got old sometime around 2003.

    Sorry, pet peeve.

    >You’ll get a ticket if you don’t wear your seatbelt (because you need the government to treat you like a child to keep you safe),

    You haven’t seen the numbers on things like smoking and drunk driving lately, have ya, Dusty? People put their lives in danger every time they think they can get away with it.

    >Can we finally stop with the whole “This nation is horribly racist and minorities can’t succeed” bullshit?

    Prop 8 passed, so no. I’m not saying I agree or disagree, mind you. I just couldn’t get away from the kvetching after the election. Ironically, most of it was from people who kept telling others to “VOTE” and “CHOOSE”. By which they meant “…FOR OBAMA”.

  2. on 06 Jan 2009 at 4:00 am TLee007

    So when’s the new one coming out Dusty? There’s gotta be a Holiday Extravaganza post in ya somewhere!!

    Hope the season went well for ya man.

    Trent 🙂

  3. on 06 Jan 2009 at 9:47 am Rhyanna


    Thanks for reposting this entry..I hadn’t gotten around to copying and pasting the entire thing word for word, changing the city to Asheville, and taking credit for it. 🙂 Have a good day D.

  4. on 06 Jan 2009 at 10:33 am Dusty

    Jonn, I didn’t know prop 8 was a racial proposition (when I said “minorities”, I meant racial minorities. I could have been a bit more clear on that), although I do agree with you that its passing as 100% bullshit.

  5. on 07 Jan 2009 at 9:12 am Jenna