Holy Christ, what have I done?
October 26th, 2007 by Dusty
Remember swimming when you were a kid and pushing off the wall underwater and swimming as far as you could? You’d get about halfway and then you’d see the stairs at the other end and you’d try to make it the rest of the way, and you’d start feeling like you were going to die, but you’d also wonder how far you could go, and then you’d pop up the instant your hand touched the stairs and gasp for air but your jerkass sister would have the hose pointed at your face so you’d inhale a gallon of that warm, plastic flavored hose water and then gag and choke and chase her around with a stick or something until she ran inside and slammed the door on your foot so you had to chase her down and you both got yelled at for being loud and wet inside the house?
Well, that analogy has much less to do with the point I was trying to make than it did when I first started writing it. What I am trying to illustrate is the idea of pushing past your comfort zone, and how when you are a kid that kind of thing comes a little more naturally than it does when you are all grown up and cynical.
If I look around at all of the irritating behavior I see in myself and others, most of it revolves around someone’s comfort zone or whatever excuse fort they have built around themselves to avoid doing stuff that requires effort or uncertainty. On the other hand, the people I admire most lately are the ones who have forced themselves out of their comfort zone. My friend Judd started writing a blog a few years ago, met a chick via emails and flirty IM’s, and went down to Australia to visit her. He lived in Colorado at the time. He came back and told me and a bunch of other people that he was going to quit his job and move to Australia to marry this broad and I promptly assigned the crazy label to Judd. Judd is now happily married to the girl and they have a kid.
But really? I mean, if someone is not an inherently reckless person and they decide to make the changes necessary to attain whatever goal it is, do I think they are crazy, or am I just a little bit jealous because they want it more than I do?
I’m a lot jealous – There are lots of things I sit around and wish I was doing. What if I had the time to just draw and paint or write jokes or whatever? How is it that people around me can just take things on and make it work for them and I can’t or won’t? On the other hand, I look at people who pass up opportunities for idiotic reasons (I know that’s my dream job, but I’d have to get up at 7, and I’m just not into that), and I think, “Just grab your sack and rally, douchebag - suck it up and be a man…oh…yeah…I’ve been doing pretty much the same thing for four years, so maybe I should rally a bit myself.”
Basically I think that whatever small effort it takes for anyone to force themselves out of their comfort zone will probably get them the highest return of any effort they put forth in their entire lives. I’ve seen it happen.
So I’ve been increasingly feeling like a passenger on the life bus. Spending my career and what I hope are the second best years of my life sitting in a cube under fluorescent lighting, at least for me, is not what I had in mind. It’s not a bad job – the pay is decent, I work with some of my best friends, and it’s 2 miles from home. It’s also not a good job (for me) – I’m not being creative from day to day, I rarely find myself erect or even tumescent over the next big project, there is little to no time off, and there’s the nature of the corporate beast that exists in most of these kinds of jobs. So why am I letting it override what I really enjoy? Because it pays the bills and it’s comfortable in that way.
A few months ago I had a conversation with my cousin as he was helping us move in to our new place. He asked how work was, I answered with “eh. You know. It’s work or whatever.”
Side rant- why do so many people do a job they hate and act like that’s how life is supposed to work? I’m not saying that no one can be happy working in a cubicle; in fact I have enjoyed quite a bit of my cube career and I know a lot of people who genuinely love what they do. It’s the “work sucks, but everybody hates their job” philosophy that makes me weep for humanity. Sure you’ll have jobs you hate. That’s why they make better jobs and the baby Jesus gave us each the desire to better ourselves. It’s just discouraging to see how many people seem to give up – they give up on their jobs, who they marry, raising their kids and whatever just because it is easier. I’m going to write another longer thesis about this as soon as I have time to think about it a little more.
He said “Dude, why don’t you finish up your ratings and be a pilot? The pay is basically zero, but at least your office has windows and lots of buttons and goes really fast. Everybody’s hiring like mad – it’s not like it was when you started flying.”
Back story on Jason – he was in pretty much the same situation I have been in. He had a job he was good at and pulled a decent amount of bucks, wanted to learn to fly, and was working up the courage to leave his comfort zone. One day they decided to downsize him right out of his comfort zone and he was on his way to flight school. He moved in with my parents and worked harder than I have ever seen anyone work on anything. In about three months he was a commercially rated multiengine pilot, and a month after that he was an instructor. A little over a year later he is flying for a regional airline and loving the hell out of it.
The proverbial seed was planted. Since that day in June I have been scraping up every penny I can, waking up at 5 am to drive down to the airport to fly for a couple of hours before work, and basically planning for what has so far been the biggest decision of my life. I still feel like everyone around me who has taken this kind of chance has done so with a sense of confidence and supreme ability to handle anything, but I’ll go ahead and tell the world that I have spent countless nights pacing the living room in a blind panic asking myself just what the fuck I think I am doing voluntarily taking a 75% pay cut just so I can have a cooler job. Seriously? Am I insane? “Ooh, chase your dreams, how romantic…” More like, “Ooh, have the nervous shits three times a week because you’re going to have to find a way to pay a mortgage and rent and insurance and food and those hookers you just can’t give up. How romantic.”
Screw riding along on the life bus; I want to drive for a while. I could have waited another week or another year or never done it at all, but I handed in my notice at work today and now I’m officially falling into whatever I land in. I hope it’s made of airplanes.
For the next three years I’m going to have to go back to being poor. I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night and freak out about money and schedules and check rides. There will be lots of days I wish I was just pushing 15 on the elevator and sitting at my desk until 5 o’clock. There will be many paychecks that will make me want to vomit if not for the fact that food costs money. For that reason I made the following picture that I will hang in my room and keep in my wallet:
So if you’re in to keeping fingers crossed or praying or sending good juju in whatever way you do it, save it for the entry where I tell you I have leprosy. Unless you have extra vibes lying around, in which case I’ll take it.
So I guess that’s it. On November 2, I will run from the building with my arms outspread, making airplane noises. Just like every day, but louder.
Heh. Good for you. (That “never forget” picture is excellent, by the way.)
There will be plenty of time to second-guess yourself after you’ve mangled your legs and repo parts in a fiery crash. Right now you need to live the glory of being a dude who defies gravity and can wear aviator glasses without being an utter tool.
heh… “Excuse Fort”… I’ve already stolen and used that in a sentence and I haven’t even left the monitor yet.
Good for you. Everything will work itself out. Maybe you’ll get a great job working for some big-time airline and you’ll be the pilot that saves hundreds of people from the next terrorist attack or something cool like that and then there will be a made-for-tv movie all about your life. And then we can all say “Yeah, we used to read that guy before he got all famous and shit…”
Seriously, good luck to you. Maybe if I keep reading this over and over, I will eventually convince myself to take a similar plunge…
You … Da … Man! Do you have any idea how much you da man for doing this? Did I mention … You da man? It’s an inspiration to me. Too bad I already run my own business, or I’d quit, too. But maybe it’s time I find my own, newer airplane …
I know it’s scary, but as somebody smarter than me said, it’s the things you don’t do that you regret. I moved across the country to the beach just because it felt right, and am now only 7 months away from completing a bachelor’s degree for a new career at 43. Life has never been better or more exhilarating. Good luck, and stock up on Immodium!
Dusty, you rock at life! Good luck buddy! I hope it all goes well!
I’m facing the same thing right now, except I’ve just gone back to work after being home for 7 years. Deciding to stay home with Jr (then 7 months old) was scary in that ‘how will we buy food’ way but we made it work. Now with both kids in school all day I’m facing the opportunity to go back to school and get a teaching degree (with some help from the NC Teachers Consortium). Why am I nervous? I’m wondering just how the hell I’ll find the time to do the homework and attend classes and still take care of all the shit I’m doing now. Since I’m not using my vibes right now I’ll send them down to you. Heh, if you read that the right way it sounds naughty. Take it either way you want to.
*stretches out arms* VRMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
The big payoff will come when you’re standing at the entrance of your plane, watching smugly as passengers board, saying hello to the prettier ones….when all of a sudden someone looks at you funny and then bursts “DUSTY! DUSTY’S OUR PILOT! Hey Dusty, tell everyone about how clumsy you are! Remember the spider in the shower? On your penis?”
That won’t be me of course. I’ll just have the stewardess slip you a note saying “I know who you are…” And they will carry me away with my legs strapped together, likely.
I give you a LOT of credit Dusty. I’ve been building my excuse fort for many MANY years now. I gave my two weeks notice 10 days ago, but I don’t think the boss took me seriously. Congrats to you for having the ‘testicular fortitude’ to follow your dreams. Best of luck in your new career. And thanks for letting me use your karma Dogma quote in my forum signature!
AWESOME! Good for you! All the best of luck to you, as long as you keep up this blog, which makes me laugh my ass off and keeps ME sane. I’d go “ape-taint” if I can’t laugh til I piss myself, thanks to you. God Bless!
Hey Dusty, I’ve been reading your blog for years and absolutely love it. I felt compelled to write for the first time in response to this entry, firstly to say I think it’s a brilliant step you’ve taken- striving for *more* than the ordinary. Secondly, to reiterate that loving your job is worth more than (almost) anything. My Dad was lucky enough to be a pilot all his working life, and now flies light aircraft in his retirement. Nothing makes him happier than being in the air, and if you feel like that too then its got to be worth it.
All the best,
Clare
Dusty,
That takes big brass ones. Good luck, though you won’t need it (well, we all need a bit of luck sometimes, but you get better at getting lucky if you work at it). The next timeyou have one of those moments when you paralyze yourself thinking, “WTF have I just done?”, remember that doing something really, really well is enough to keep you going. And the making-a-living thing will take care of itself; it’s not like you’re running off to be a yak masseuse or anything.
As the latter-day Western philosopher Casey Kasem used to say, “keep your feet on the ground…” and of course you know the rest (even if you’re too macho to admit it).
Cheers to you,
BR
I’m really proud of you Dusty, you’ve always made me laugh, now you make me quite envious. When you’re lying in your deathbed, I highly doubt that you’ll be worrying about making that fucking mortgage payment that one time way back when you were 35.
Plus, you still have the skirt, right? Can’t she kick in a few duckets for room & board?
I’m scared to death of flying for a number of phobic reasons…but if I knew you were on the flight deck I’d feel better on the plane. Damn that’s scary. You have to do what is going to make you happy, you never know when the clock is going to stop ticking. What does The Skirt think of all this?
ha ha. dumbass.
Dusty,
GO FOR IT DUDE!
I can only hope the industry doesn’t take another crap in the next four years. With any luck, I’ll be sitting on your right side sometime. And if that happens, we’re gonna be pulling some fun stunts, such as…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEIB4baOSd8
Nice Move! I got a friend of mine who is a commercial pilot for Iowa Glass. Not glamorous, not flashy, but the pay is good, and he is in the air 3-5 days a week and all over the nation flying cargo. If you ever want to join the ranks of the corporate pilot, I bet he knows a stack of fly boys that could help you out…you got my email!
Dusty, Sending my extra karma your way. You are a man among men. If you start flying the regional jets, I will be looking for you. Not as a pilot, but as a passenger. Just say some funny shit over the PA when you are in the air.
Dusty…don’t know squat about you besides what you write on the net, but one thing is pretty clear: you are the kind of person who won’t let things get beyond kinda crappy for a while. You’ll be fine.
I hooked my own comfort zones up to a 220v when I moved halfway around the world. Not easy, but well worth it.
Anyways, it’ll be good to get you off my earth, albeit only for short intervals.
Take it easy.
The only thing worse than failure is regret. And if you had not taken this leap of faith, you would have regretted not doing it for the rest of your life.
Godspeed, John Glenn.
The Justin guy above careened around inside of a belief/motto/fortune cookie that I’ve been driving on for just over a year now.
Nobody on their deathbed and ever said, “Gee, I sure wish I’d spent more time at work.”
Life is for living. GO. NOW.
You are, indeed, a special and unique snowflake (Wife’s quote, not mine, bettah recognizzzze).
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” - Henry David Thoreau
Way to sing.
You’ve got enormous, chromed-out clanging ones, man. Thanks for leading by example. I’m crossing my fingers and cooing at the Baby Jesus for you.
They clank when you walk, sir.
But wait,
you can’t blog and fly at the same time.
I hope you’ll still find some minutes to write.
Looks like you have a mission in life. Godspeed, and remember that no matter where you end up, there you are.
Good for you, Dusty. Things always have a way of working out for the best. Just try to keep your feet firmly planted and don’t let it go to your head. My dad passed away a number of years ago and his one regret was that he hadn’t started his own business BEFORE it was too late.
I will keep you in my prayers each night! Keep writing for us mere mortals!
Dusty,
It’s about freaking time.
A friend of mine did the exact same thing. He flew for Continental Express for several years, now flies big planes all over the world for Continental. It took years, but the difference is, he’s always loved it.
My job sucked then, and it will always suck. Is that picture available as a poster?
Stick to it, look around, and say to yourself you have the best seat on the plane. You’ll do fine, don’t worry about it.
ARE YOU NUTS? Obviously, you are. But the good kind of nuts. Good for you. I hope you succeed following your dreams. Not enough of us have the balls to do what you did.
YOU QUIT????
You still owe me money, you little bastard!
Call me,
Dad
Luckily, I have one juju left. I was saving it for when my last kidney goes or one of my kids gets deathly ill, but I think I’ll send it your way. May you look back on your contumescent cube career as the springboard to your life’s passion.
If I ever get a tapeworm, I’m gonna call it ‘Parasite Hilton.’
Just did the same kinda thing, myself. Moved to a state where I’m not licensed to do my former career so I wouldn’t be tempted. I want to teach at a college.
It’s scary as hell . . . and at the same time exciting. I feel like I have unreached potential again.
Best of luck. Go 100% and don’t look back.
Good luck Dusty. I went back to my previous employer for the 3rd time this past Wednesday. It was the first time in 6 months I did not feel like I was going to vomit on my way to work. Broke or not, you have to be able to sleep at night.
Godspeed and trim your flaps or some other aeronautical jargon that would apply here.
sam
Dusty… you gotta do what you gotta do. good luck to you… and continue to rock as you always do…
Man… That is totally awesome. I am sending all my good mojo in your direction!
Congrats!
I’m very impressed with your gutsy decision, and despite what you’re writing here, you would not be doing it if you didn’t have some confidence that things will work out, and I’m betting that’s what you’ve seen in other people who have just “gone for it”…
Just about anything will work out if you put in the blood, sweat and tears. (Assuming you’re not a dolt and that you’ve accumulated a reasonable amount of education, experience, and maturity… oh wait… shit, dude, you’re screwed!) I kid, of course. Best of luck to you on your new adventure. I hope it leaves more time for you to update on here!
It feels great doesn’t it? Kinda like standing on cliff with one foot hanging out over the abyss? Wait til the 2nd. That’s when it really gets good.
You know all those people who make crazy decisions and look all confident and sure that everything will work out in the end? We’re lying. Every last one of us. I had a job, making more than I should have been making at my age. And I looked around one day at all the middle-aged workers around me, and said, “OHMIGOD, this can’t be my future!” So I chucked it all to go back to school full time, finish my Master’s and Doctorate, and become a college professor. Because, you know, that’s where the big money is. It’s scary, and I’ve had to make unsavory deals with bill collectors to make ends meet (the meter-reader guy’s the worst!), but it’s oh-so-worth it when I get together with ex-coworkers, con them into buying me drinks (because I’m a poor college student), and say, “So, how’s work?”
That was a really interesting post.
I think uprooting one’s life and going out of “the comfort zone” is important, but what’s more important is knowing yourself. When you feel, deep down, that it is time to make a change, you have to take the risk. I applaud you for knowing yourself well enough to rethink your current situation. Remember, you **will** get through the hard transition and then things will be looking up! (…literally up. You’ll be flying PLANES. WHOO!!)
Thanks for making me think!
I hope you fully understand that you worked up the courage to do what most people will never do in their lifetime. That is, taking the wheel and being in charge of their own lives, saying “Screw the comfort zone!” and taking the plunge. Congrats and have fun flying!
FRICK. YEAH.
You’re an inspiration to our entire organization.
I worked as a cubicle dog in Vinings (the giant Prudential fortress on the hill). The flourescent lights sucked the life out of me. Watching the movie Office Space was funny, and uncomfortable at the same time.
You are making a good decision.
Good Luck,
phil
jax, fl
Solid move, Dusty. Close the door and open a much better window.
It’s almost three years ago now that I left my comfy insurance sales gig (and very comfy pay) because I couldn’t stand sitting at a desk all day doing something that didn’t excite me. I took a large pay cut to go work for a construction company (with no experience on my part). I wake up every day with enthusiasm, and I’ve done so well learning that my pay is almost what it was selling insurance.
No doubt, you will do great and enjoy yourself much more in your new endevor.
Just keep telling us about it all!
Godspeed,
Ryan
FUCK YEAH DUSTY!!!!
Nicely done sir! You are an impressive individual. One thing. If you do end up flying a big tin can full of people, please announce, “This is Captain Dusty,” in the way beginning so I can get off the plane. I’m still not convinced that you won’t try to shoot down the death star or fly under a bridge when that thing clicks in your head!! haha
“You bring meaning to my life, you’re my inspiration” -Chicago
So I had one of those “Woah is me” weekends filled with navel gazing and feeling bad for myself because I can’t figure out how I’m going to solve the riddle of my life and to make things work to feed my kids. And then I come to work, which as you stated as fact, I was dreading. It’s not that I don’t like my job, I just feel that my life right now is one long day with changing scenery. Since I’ve been here I’ve been told that my bosses mother was in the ER all night, 7 kids in SC died in a house fire, one of which was the twin daughter of one of my colleagues, and there were three deadly accidents over the past three days in our area. It, along with this post, really put things in perspective for me. Good luck dude, just don’t stop writing. You really have a gift. And I know it’s hokey, but if you haven’t seen it, buy and watch often The Pursuit of Happyness. It reminds me of how close we all are to being in the most dire of situations, and the intestinal fortitude neccessary to survive. Keep your head up and eyes looking forward…
Dusty-
Great to do this now. Paying a mortgage is sort of serious, but is no responsibility at all compared with paying for children. If you ever have them, I suspect you will readily compromise your own happiness to assure a steady paycheck - and not regret it because they pay you back without measure. So if you had them now, I wonder if you could make this leap. Children can cramp that do it my way style, but until then, carpe all the diem you can. One of my best friends is a commercial pilot, and while he makes good money now, he and his wife ate a lot of mac and cheese back in the day, but he wouldn’t want to do anything else. He flies a G-4 now, and recently snickered something about “nothing like sitting on top of 30,000 pounds of thrust….”
Enjoy.
I am standing in my “cube” applauding you! Congratulations on taking the leap!
I have lots of good vibes to send you as I believe in karma and figure it’ll come back to me at some point a thousandfold (just hope it’s before I’m on my deathbed). I have faith in you.
Good job my man! Go for it.
You’ll be the oldish guy in the right seat with the 16 year old to your left for a while.
Still cool though!
I say, “WOW!”.
And from someone much more eloquent than I: “There is a gigantic difference between earing a great deal of money and being rich.” (Marlene Dietrich)
You, sir, are/will be rich out the wazoo for leaving the comfort zone and filing your own flight plan. Good vibes to you and The Skirt.
I turned in my notice today (before reading your inspirational entry), so there must be something going around. I’m transferring from one cubicle to another, but maybe someday I’ll fling myself way out there and do something entirely different.
You’ll be a raging success because you’re brilliant and determined.
Best wishes to you and keep us posted. Go get some rest.
Dusty,
Congrats… I know the feeling well. A few months back I made the same choice. I always wanted to go into real estate and, considering the market isn’t very good right now, I went back to school. I should have my license by February. I know it’s going to be tough but I’m looking forward to no more 9-5 I would rather work closely with clients and work 12-9 or 8-2 or whatever it takes, but at least it will be more at my own leisure then a 9-5 monday to friday.
Again good luck and I’m sure we will all be reading to see where things go
Congratulations, Dusty. The Houston skyline is amazing from my office, but I bet it looks better from the air. I wish you the best of luck with this. Gives those of us with less courage something to strive for.
- Hans Miyagi www.hansmiyagi.com (relentless self promotion)
Dusty,
Way to go! You make me believe again in the power of dreams. Thanks and Godspeed.
Good for you. That’s how my wife and I ended up in Asheville…we made a decision and then made it happen. All of our friends in Atlanta said things like, “I wish we could do that…” You could if you had any imagination and some balls…. Once again, good for you.
Fly high baby, fly high.
For years you’ve been writing about your parents and have paid special tribute to your Dad. You’ve placed him in the ranks of all that is great. You’ve talked about following in his footsteps, and you’re doing just that. I think that anytime you ever feel that this may not have been the best course to take, just think of him, give him a call or go back and read a few of your older posts and I’m sure that after the tears dry, you’ll realize that there was only one choice to make and it’s the one that you made. Congratulations to you for being a man.
I think I’ve read everything you’ve posted online and there was never any doubt in my mind that you would make this decision.
FK
I know I’m about 4 days late here, but that’s the best blog I’ve read in some time. Way to go , dude. Makes me wanna set my tie on fire and take my band on tour…go broke that way. Hey, if all your readers send you,like $5/10 month, you’d be ok, right? I’d send it to ya it just to say I did. Seems fair, all the free entertainment you ‘ve provided…Just a thought….
Fuckin’ A. That is really ballsie (ballsy? Ball-sy oh forget it). Not having teeny mouths running around demanding food certainly makes that decision a little easier. Yes that’s partly a lame excuse for why I don’t do it. Plus I’m chicken-shit. And I like being warm in winter. Still - Good Luck, although luck has not much to do with it.
Duster, remember…you never leave your wingman. And when in doubt you’re probably too close for missiles so switch to guns.
“Torn between the unknown
And the place that you call home
And the life you want but have never known
There was a time
You could put it out of your mind
Leave it all behind
There was a time
That time has gone”
- Uncle Tupelo
Lot of songs out there about regret and opportunities gone by. No songs out there that I know of about playing it safe. Just gotta close your eyes and jump sometimes. As smart as you are Dusty, I’m frankly suprised you hadn’t done this sooner. All the luck in the world, bro!