Okay. I have a suggestion for the bathroom door where I work. Let’s take down the “No Smoking” sign and replace it with a “flush the goddamn toilet” sign, since no one has smoked or flushed a goddamn toilet in that bathroom since the late eighties. And by the way, no flushing the toilet with your piss-soaked shoe, either, you sicko. Use your hand like a big boy or I’m going to turn and soak you with a hot stream of learn-your-lesson juice.

I have been watching Dateline “To catch a predator” pretty religiously. So religiously, in fact, that when I come home and The Skirt says, “Have a beer. I’m going to go get changed.” I run screaming out the door expecting to be tackled and handcuffed. I can’t wait until she turns eighteen and I can relax a little.

I have seen some of the same guys get caught two and three times on this show, and that makes me think that they aren’t being sufficiently punished or killed. I want to take that show to the next order of magnitude - let’s hospitalize a predator. I’ll pose as a twelve year old girl in a chat room and convince a 40 year old dungeon master that he can come over and savage my as-yet-unsavaged girl parts with his short sword of rejection. When he shows up, I answer the door, all “You aren’t what I was expecting, either. So stop bitching. My name is Dusty Scott and I am on a television show called ‘To Sterilize a Predator…’” And then I may or may not whip his nuts with a device I made out of a car antenna and a 20-sided die, depending on how soon we have to go to commercial.

The Atlanta Falcons’ superstar quarterback is in trouble for the fourteenth time. This time he is accused of running some kind of dog fighting ranch. I read somewhere that the dogs that didn’t fight well enough were killed. Sometimes by hanging them. Seriously. They also mentioned that they had a “rape stand” for the dogs. I haven’t seen a rape stand since arts and crafts day at Vacation Bible School, but I can tell you that nothing good happens there. Anyway, Michael Vick is allegedly not very good at making decisions and will probably spend some time in the prison system. Can you imagine what a degenerate this guy would be if he didn’t have to spend most of his time playing football and didn’t have any money? He certainly wouldn’t still be walking around outside prison walls.

In other news it appears that the Pit Bull community lashed back by raping a 2 year old boy in New York. Yes, read it for yourself. Apparently a lady was changing her son’s diaper or whatever children that age crap in and she left the room to call her brother Michael (speculation). When she returned, the dog was destroying this poor kid’s pooper.

You may not know this, but dogs have barbs on their wangs to help hold them in when the girl dog isn’t digging it. One can only assume that a pit bull has larger, sharper barbs with knives on them. In any case, the sound of the mother’s meth pipe shattering on the floor (more speculation based on the kind of parent who would have a pit bull and a small child) startled the dog into running out of the house with the child still horrifyingly attached to his dick.

Stop laughing. This is sick as hell.

Finally some neighbors pulled the dog off of the kid and he is in the hospital for god knows what kind of injuries. Damn dog probably has syphilis, too.

So now we have a breed of dog that has been known to mangle and kill people AND rape children. Will you pit bull lovers stop defending these animals now? I overheard the following on the elevator “Pit bulls are actually less aggressive than almost every other breed of dog and even other kinds of pets. Cats go nuts all the time.”

Here’s the thing – no one is going to die if they buy the most pissed off goldfish in the universe, even if they make it swim in pure testosterone and watch David Hasselhoff music videos. If my cat decides to take a jump at my face, she will find herself airborne for however long it takes to split her skull against the nearest solid object. I’m too smart to own a pet that could beat me in a fight. Pit bulls are built to be strong and tough and not terribly bright, like Mike Vick. That is why they do what they do and why I don’t hang out with them. Not all pit bulls are child raping murderers, but 99% of the murderous child raping dogs are pit bulls.

I’m sure you have a pit bull and he/she is the sweetest animal on the planet and you describe him/her as a total wimp to your friends to overcompensate for the fact that people are afraid of him/her. I’m also sure that “mom of the year” in New York said the same thing about her dog until last week.

How ’bout we gather up all of the dogs who have been abused by people and/or have sodomized a toddler. Then we get on a chat room and get some foot-flushing pervert to come over to meet our 14 year old (those would be dog years). You think those guys look terrified when Chris Hansen walks into the room? Imagine if they were being charged by a pit bull with a boner.

I bet that would drop the recidivism rate.

26 Responses to “To Attack, Disfigure, and Possibly Rape a Predator”

  1. on 27 Jul 2007 at 12:08 pm bookworm

    My husband thinks we should combine To Catch a Predator and UFC (or pick your brand) Ultimate Fighting. I think I like the pit bull idea better!

  2. on 27 Jul 2007 at 12:18 pm Karen

    Hey Dusty, Real glad you updated. I feel kind of pervy reading it at work, but……..what the hell.

  3. on 27 Jul 2007 at 12:33 pm Rivetergirl

    Yes … to everything you said.

    Why are some people so slow?

    I think we need to start feeding some people to the pigs, fer fuck’s sake.

  4. on 27 Jul 2007 at 12:36 pm Miz J

    I like your idea, but first, let’s apply it to that twisted fuck who was caught soliciting another “mom of the year” candidate to drown her little girls for his masturbatory pleasure.

    I love dogs, but I agree with you about the stupid twatwaffles who own pit bulls.

  5. on 27 Jul 2007 at 12:47 pm Scott

    You have ruined my day. My pity gland usually causes me to sympathize with those that cannot defend themselves. This would include 2 year old boys and puppy dogs. Puppy dogs are now off the list.

    Thankfully I think you have presented the solution in your blog. Take the offending dog, Michael Vick, and the rape stand and force him to have his way with the dog, then let the dog have his way with him.

    Justice is served.

  6. on 27 Jul 2007 at 1:51 pm GGG

    $50 says that the “mom of the year” has trained the dog to give her some lovin’ and it was just doing what it was trained to do.

  7. on 27 Jul 2007 at 2:03 pm AndyR

    That’s it… take the offending dog (Michael Vick) and make HIM fight the sweet little pit bull! It’s too bad they don’t have a training camp for common sense. They should line up all the doping cyclists, dog-fighting NFL quarterbacks, steriod-taking ballplayers, over-exposed, pill-popping, drunk-driving bimbo celebrities and give them all good, old-fashioned butt-whoopin!!!

    I swear, atheletes and celebrities make me wanna puke!! They all have way too much money and not nearly enough to do to keep themselves occupied and out of sight. I know, I know, they’re not all like that, but the ones that are seem to be shoved down everyone’s throat at every opportunity. WHO CARES????? Do something useful with your life. Use some of the millions that you’ll never spend on some worthwhile cause.

    Gosh, I feel better now! I won’t have to kill anyone on the way home!

  8. on 27 Jul 2007 at 2:46 pm Cassandra

    I know I shouldn’t have been laughing at a lot of that…

    ….but I was.

    **C**

  9. on 27 Jul 2007 at 3:25 pm Janet

    Did you hear about the town in Texas that released all the predators they caught because some people were pissed that they lured these bozos into thier perfect little neighborhood? I know, run on sentence, but good-grief! I guess all the pervs know where to shop for kids now!

  10. on 27 Jul 2007 at 3:50 pm Claire

    That was so good, I had to blog again today just to give everyone the link to YOUR blog. I don’t hate pitbulls, but I find myself hating owners.

    You should have to get a license to have kids and dogs.

  11. on 27 Jul 2007 at 4:39 pm warcrygirl

    You’ll notice none of these crimes (except the foot-flushing) happened in Texas? There’s something to say about swift and sure executions.

  12. on 27 Jul 2007 at 5:16 pm Nightmare

    HOLY DIVER! Poor pit bull. I think GGG has it right I believe ol MOY had the pit banging her like a screen door in a thunder storm and the little feller just saw an opportunity to do what he was trained for.

    Just like prison…an asshole is an asshole is an asshole.

    I feel sorry for those dogs and toddlers. Michael Vick on the other hand I hope he goes to the pound you up the ass prison for 6 years…we’ll see how fast he can run after that. nothing makes you quicker then running from T-bone with a lile high boner!

  13. on 27 Jul 2007 at 9:55 pm J C

    Only morons own pit bulls.

    Period.

  14. on 28 Jul 2007 at 2:50 pm Jamie

    Could have lived without the “dog rape” image that will for sure be playing for years and years in my head. This entry should have come with a warning…

  15. on 28 Jul 2007 at 5:08 pm RShearer

    Ya just can’t always believe what you read…you know that. We are a not-for-profit, media watchdog (ouch) that is investigating this “pit bull raped the boy toddler case” in Lockport, NY.

    The first problem was that media types twisted by 180 degrees what their own experts told them. Check out our report –

    http://www.stinkyjournalism.org/latest-journalism-news-updates-90.php

    Experts say there are no cases of male dogs “raping” the rectums of other male dogs–or even female dogs for that matter. In the act of mating a female dog must be the right size in comparison to the male, stand still and move toward the male dog’s member or the mating does not happen folks.

    Vet study this problem of “slippage” and it is a common complaint by dog breeders.

    This story requires one to believe that the toddler kept still through multiple penetrations stoo

    Hello? This is not what a toddler would do.

    So bottom line…history has shown that dogs are used for their acts of rape and parents have blamed their family dog for attacking their kid sexually …and guess what? They did it. They tried to frame the dog.

    “The dog ate my homework”, “the dog farted” now “the dog raped my kid.”

    Pit bulls probably killed Nicole Simpson too.

  16. on 28 Jul 2007 at 5:19 pm RShearer

    Ya just can’t always believe what you read…you know that. We are a not-for-profit, media watchdog (ouch) that is investigating this “pit bull raped the boy toddler case” in Lockport, NY.

    The first problem was that media types twisted by 180 degrees what their own experts told them. Check out our report –

    http://www.stinkyjournalism.org/latest-journalism-news-updates-90.php

    Experts say there are no cases of male dogs “raping” the rectums of other male dogs–or even female dogs for that matter. In the act of mating a female dog must be the right size in comparison to the male, stand still and move toward the male dog’s member or the mating does not happen folks.

    Vet study this problem of “slippage” and it is a common complaint by dog breeders.

    This story requires one to believe that the toddler kept still through multiple penetrations stoo

    Hello? This is not what a toddler would do.

    So bottom line…history has shown that, on occasion, humans have exploited dogs for their own vile acts of rape. Parents have blamed their family dog for attacking their kid sexually …it’s rare but such accusations have been made before and guess what? The humans turned out to have done the deed.They tried to frame the dog.

    “The dog ate my homework”, “the dog farted” now “the dog raped my kid.”

    Pit bulls probably killed Nicole Simpson too.

    Hopefully police will find out what humans did this terrible crime to a 2 year old boy.

  17. on 29 Jul 2007 at 8:35 am Connor

    Great Stuff! Pit Bulls are evil…no doubt about it. Hows your wacky neighbor?…You need more beer. When I brew my next batch I’ll send you some..

  18. on 29 Jul 2007 at 11:10 am Seattle-Lite

    The To Catch a Predator show is great watching. After all this time the pederasts know all about the show, but the lure of fresh nubile poon/poop tang is just too much for them. I think it is funny how they can name the show and the network but never Chris Hansen. I keep waiting for Chris to go postal while kicking the crust out of one of the Pervs in the corner, screaming “What’s my Name Bitch”. This is truly the place where we need a one strike law in place. All of society can’t become as tolerant of this crime against children as the Vatican.

    The pit-bull fighting day camp was wonderful news. It is just too bad they didn’t bust it on a big fight night. They probably would have rounded up the college educated elite from the NBA and NFL, along with most of the upper management from Atlanta’s fine smokeable /snortable import guilds. Of course there would have been more weapons on site than a battalion carries into a war zone, but it would have made good TV. Hopefully Messer Vick and associates kept very detailed records that will keep the indictments flowing. Hey, we may get some parity in pro sports after all.

    Good update Dusty

  19. on 29 Jul 2007 at 12:57 pm It's Me... Maven

    Can you imagine what a degenerate this guy would be if he didn’t have to spend most of his time playing football and didn’t have any money?

    Now that’s a scary statement! I love how this comparison:

    Pit bulls are built to be strong and tough and not terribly bright, like Mike Vick.

    I’m disoriented reading this, as I don’t know whether you ultimately are anti-pit bull, anti-workplace bathroom, or anti-Vick; however the whole Vick thing is the epitome of ghetto, “You can take the boy outta the ‘hood; but you can’t take the hood outta the boy–no matter what his salary. To some–ghetto is as ghetto does.” To all the other blacks who are struggling to get past the ghetto or “project” mentality, you have someone like Vick who is willing to throw it all away on something utterly stupid. He deserves to go to jail.

  20. on 29 Jul 2007 at 9:16 pm Alyse

    So much to say so much to say…

    Okay A: as with any human or animal it all depends on how you raise it and yes this is a big concern with pitbulls especially WHAT DRUGS YOU GIVE IT! If you pump your kid full of steroids and abuse him till he’s a sociopath and then release him on unsuspecting people chances are he’ll kill somebody too… just like a pitbull… They are not considered one of the upper echelon breeds for intelligence which makes them easier to train because all they know is what they’re trained they don’t know what they are doing is wrong UNTIL YOU TEACH THEM THAT IT IS! and the reason people say pitbulls are so gentle and blah blah blah is because they are sooo incredibly strong and have such a high pain tolerance your 2 year old can go up and pull on their ears or their legs or poke them and they won’t mind because they don’t feel it as much and don’t really care… if however you pump them full of testosterone and teach them kill or be killed and you can’t trust anybody all you can do is kill or hurt to protect your life… then like anybody else they will fight to survive because they have been brainwashed to do so… and most people who get them are like oh I’m such a badass i got this badass dog duh duh duh then they don’t realize what it is to take care of them… they require such care and devotion and attention and then those idiots drug them beat them and dump them… just like kids with attachment disorders… they’re already brainwashed into being screwed up and hurting whatever they can…

    And then B:
    “J C
    Only morons own pit bulls.
    Period.”

    Bite me and you have to realize WHAT YOU’RE GETTING INTO if you want a shih tzu or a lab or something like that and see how unbelievably gorgeous pitbulls are and are like oh same thing but prettier and don’t do proper research THEN YOU’RE AN IDIOT A MORON AND AN ASS CLOWN AND WHATEVER ELSE DEPICTS YOUR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE… otherwise if you can properly take care of them and have done proper research on if this is the right dog for you then this is no way reflect your intelligence except for positively…

    C: I hope michael vick gets butt raped in prison not to mention sodomized with something like a broom handle wrapped in barbed wire or a knife that gets twisted as it goes in so it inflicts yes that’s right 360 degrees worth of damage for a gift that keeps on giving right there… maybe he’ll get a banana shoved up there to show ironically what he is the epitome of… he is the reason people are racist… especially down in the deep south where people love their dogs more then they do people that aren’t of their same ethnicity… See Mike the rest of us can be a little sick too… we just choose to direct to ones that deserve it… because he is the sickest fuck I have ever heard of or read about… he’s like 24 or 27 or somewhere in his 20’s he should be you know partying it up like a regular 20 something old boy… with all that money he could do so much good and/or do nothing but go out and party the night away… he could start his own HUMAN fight club considering that if anybody who wasn’t a sick fuck felt like associating with him and they were like football guys or something then they could have a safe way to work out energy and aggression while promoting this concept… but instead he decides to take his pent up aggression and sociopathy out on poor innocent little dogs that did nothing to him…

    and D: I agree with you Dusty for lack of better things to do i say we throw all the pitbulls that are so brainwashed and trapped in the pound who never got a chance to do some good like how they were actually meant too and then throw in all those sickos like the pedophiles and sociopaths and michael vick and let those pitbulls finally inflect justice on the ones who deserve it… that seems like a great idea… oh but we have to tie up the sickos… hands and feet both… TELL ME HOW DOES IT FEEL FOR YOU TO BE THE DEFENSELESS ONE FOR ONCE? KARMA’S A BITCH AIN’T IT?

    The End… That’s all I have to say on this matter…

  21. on 29 Jul 2007 at 9:41 pm It's Me... Maven

    Still following this thread…

    Now wouldn’t that be the ultimate fight club? Having all these jacked up pitbulls fight the sickos, pedos and sociopaths, barehanded, man-on-animal. Let them rip each other limb-from-limb.

  22. on 30 Jul 2007 at 7:03 am Katie

    About the toilet flusing: just leave a passive aggressive note. Some fine examples can be found here www.passiveaggressivenotes.com

    Mike Vick - he went to VA Tech - that school has to be pretty embarrassed lately. I had no idea that he was black until a couple of years ago because only rednecks to go VA Tech. He and his brother need to be executed in jail. They are from Norfolk and the only people from there are rappers.

  23. on 30 Jul 2007 at 8:40 am IgnormousJ

    Wow. Never a dull moment at the Porkapalooza, looks like surf’s up in the cesspool…. BTW: can we all chip in and get Alyse some punctuation and thorazine? Not to be hateful, but, yes. That’s some of the most impressive run on sentence I’ve seen in some time. Mr. Scott, thanks for beaming us up once again!

  24. on 30 Jul 2007 at 12:03 pm Amber

    Single best use of the word “recidivism,” ever.

    I can’t be funny. I was scarred by your pit bull/toddler story, showing in clear relief how much work is required to toughen my skin sufficiently so that I may operate normally in this world.

    You help.

    -AD

  25. on 30 Jul 2007 at 7:46 pm blunderman

    “Repeat Offenda’”. That sure is one bonehead name, but that’s not me no more.

  26. on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:02 pm Jackie

    About Michael Vick- you said- “Can you imagine what a degenerate this guy would be if he didn’t have to spend most of his time playing football and didn’t have any money?” The answer- Marcus Vick

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