If she didn’t have a tail, scientists would be baffled.

March 22nd, 2007 by Dusty

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you on the cat’s haircut, but honestly I just stopped laughing long enough to type anything.

The Skirt was absolutely dying to witness the shaving of the cat, so she took her in (via the Rage Cage (patents pending), of course). When they asked her how she wanted it cut, she said “Whatever is most humiliating.”

I love that woman.

Petsmart calls it a “lion cut”. I call it “the funniest thing to happen to cats since masking tape and a bb gun”.

For reference, this is what she looked like before. Ugly, but not pitiful.

Okay. Ugly enough to be inherently pitiful.

Now we have the following rat-like abomination waddling in an altogether un-catlike manner around the house like some kind of cancer treatment test…organism.


No, Really, I think she’s fine with her new look.


She still knows who fills her food bowl when he remembers to.


After I cut her tail off.

The funny thing about it is that we feel sorry for her because she looks all horrible and pathetic. Because of this, we pet her more often than we make fun of her, and the Skirt even bought her a little spongey bed to sleep on so her wrinkly ass doesn’t freeze to death. If she has any capacity to think, she probably thinks she’s got the feline AIDS or something because we’re taking pictures and being slightly nicer to her.

29 Comments »

29 Responses to “If she didn’t have a tail, scientists would be baffled.”

  1. on 22 Mar 2007 at 10:02 am   IgnormousJ

    Is it possible? Can it be? Not that it really matters to me if I’m actually first…

  2. on 22 Mar 2007 at 10:28 am   john

    ha ha, that’s one of the funniest things i’ve seen. any chance of a vid on youtube?

  3. on 22 Mar 2007 at 10:29 am   IgnormousJ

    ahahahahahaha! Firstses! My life is complete. Now i shall join my companions in the spaceship behind the comet…All seriousness aside, that is one hideou-licious lookin”tang-ebeast there. A cross between e.t. and the Grinch, gone horribly wrong. A fuzzy\furry lump of malignant kitty-luvin. But enuf about me; welcome back dustmaster, my co-workers had begun to doubt the “my epilepsy is acting up a bit” cover story. Once again I can convincingly go into suppressed-laughing convulsions as I duck behind my monitor to hide the tears and snot running down my face, the twiching and trembling that accompanies my effort to over-ride the mirth induced aura. Ah…sweet sweet spasticity, take me!

  4. on 22 Mar 2007 at 10:35 am   Ferris

    Nice!!!

    PWN3D!!!

  5. on 22 Mar 2007 at 10:52 am   Ryan

    I did the same thing to my cat last summer. She loved it, even though everyone thought it was hideous. It does look good once it has grown out a bit. Plus, I didn’t pick up a clump of hair off the floor for months. She’s going back under the trimmers again soon!

  6. on 22 Mar 2007 at 10:53 am   Becca

    WOW!!
    Im amazed at the resemblence your kitty has to mine! Funny thing; we do the same thing to our cat every summer. My cat, Milo, thinks he is gods gift to women kitty’s (well, human women, too) when he’s all pimped out with his Lion cut.. Your Kitty just looks miserable :(
    By the way, I just found your website yesterday and was so entertained by you, I ended up reading almost half of what you’ve written on this website, and am about to start with the rest. If you’re wondering why I have so much time, it’s because I work for a greedy State Farm Agent who has nothing better to do then bitch and cry all day about how he’s not making his annual bonus because we don’t sell enough of his bullshit products. So pretty much, I make his life a living hell by making him pay me hourly for browsing the internet and goofing off all day. Sad thing is; he knows I’m doing it but can’t afford to fire me and pay the fees to get another person licensed, haha MORON!!! Ahhh, what a life :)

  7. on 22 Mar 2007 at 12:01 pm   YaHear

    I thought I smelled the pungent stench of desertion on atlantaillustrated.com. I was right. So I came here. Yay for salamistunami. Please glue the penny back to the cat’s head.

  8. on 22 Mar 2007 at 1:28 pm   Gabe

    HAHAHAHA….wow

    I just started reading your blog about 3 weeks ago….i absolutely love it….i give it about 2 months before i’m totally caught up…..call me a nerd….as i’m sure you will, but you know…us IT guys don’t have a lot to do sometimes at work…

    peace!

  9. on 22 Mar 2007 at 10:46 pm   Countessa

    I wet my pants laughing. TubboCat is in for a similar fate, too.

  10. on 23 Mar 2007 at 7:56 am   theCDP.

    CATPWN3D!!!

  11. on 23 Mar 2007 at 8:43 am   Ferris

    Dusty, you should have a contest to see who can put the funniest thought-bubble over Queezy’s head in one of those pictures . . .

  12. on 23 Mar 2007 at 10:17 am   Brook

    Ok… I laughed so hard at my desk that my co-workers think I’ve gone mad.

    The look on the cat’s face is one of utter humiliation and defeat.

    PRICELESS!

  13. on 23 Mar 2007 at 10:51 am   semitough

    Now all you need to do is teach her to say “Carrrrrrne Asada”. You know, sexy like Ricardo Montalban.

  14. on 23 Mar 2007 at 11:35 am   warcrygirl

    HAHAHAHAHA! Queasy looks like a Dirty Jobs episode gone wrong. And I thought the alpacas had bad haircuts.

  15. on 23 Mar 2007 at 11:50 am   Nightmare

    OH fuck me running that is funny!!

  16. on 23 Mar 2007 at 11:50 am   Anisettekiss

    You know how I know you’re gay?

    You post consecutive entries about your cat.

    xoxo

  17. on 23 Mar 2007 at 12:04 pm   Great White Snark

    The lion cut? Perhaps you’d consider the “rabid bobcat” cut next time.

  18. on 23 Mar 2007 at 12:08 pm   Sunny

    OMG. it’s like a feline poodle.

    When do you dye her pink and blue for easter?

  19. on 23 Mar 2007 at 12:14 pm   Incredipete

    I haven’t laughed that hard since first grade when the girl leading the pledge at the front of the room pooped on the floor!

  20. on 23 Mar 2007 at 12:53 pm   Amy

    Feline humiliation at its finest!

    semitough – your comment cracked me up almost as much as Dusty’s post. Love that commercial!

  21. on 23 Mar 2007 at 12:59 pm   Cassandra

    Animal cruelty at it’s finest.

  22. on 23 Mar 2007 at 2:10 pm   nogooddaddy

    That cat looks pissed off. It looks like a fucking cartoon of a pissed off cat. It’s unbelievable. We should do that to the kid. She needs a haircut.

    I almost had an attack I laughed so hard

  23. on 23 Mar 2007 at 2:21 pm   YaHear

    Once the nightmares subside, it’s not at all difficult to find this cat…..cute.

  24. on 25 Mar 2007 at 4:07 am   genpoco

    omg. coffee just came out me nose. you should have done this to her years ago.

  25. on 25 Mar 2007 at 10:48 am   mikeymike

    funny dusty, but please hurt yourself again. not too bad, just enough to be funny…

  26. on 25 Mar 2007 at 6:39 pm   Andres

    Kinda looks like the owner now..

    :-)

  27. on 25 Mar 2007 at 8:01 pm   little mama

    I’ll assume it’s not you, Dusty, who’s ordering goodies from Stampin’ Up… :)

    When my cat comes home traumatized from the groomer, I’ll show her the pictures of Queasy as a form of group therapy. Sort of a Grooming Survivors support club. Something that this cat might belong to.

  28. on 26 Mar 2007 at 8:44 am   Phil

    God that was funny…

    The “after” picture made my coffee back up into my sinuses, which wasn’t so funny…

    Phil
    Jax, FL

  29. on 26 Mar 2007 at 9:00 am   GoingLoopy

    My friend (whose cat looks shockingly like Queasy) did this to her cat several years ago. The funniest part was that her cat was such a little prissy poser and thought she looked SO HOT. The cat would sit there all dainty and batting her eyes, and we were laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe.

    I’m going to have to subject my cat to this. Assuming, of course, that her fat ass will still fit in the Rage Cage.

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