Holy Crap, I’m updating this thing.

I know- I can’t believe it either.

So to catch everybody up without bothering to explain the reason for my absence, I’ll start with the Halloween party. Every year we have a big ol’ shindig at Squirrley Dave’s house, and spend a crazy evening all dressed up as stuff talking and drinking and other crap you do at parties. This year no one got in any fights, maintaining a now three year fightless record.

Before the party, we had a makeup party at my place where I played makeup artist for a few ladies and one gentleman who were to be attending the par-tay. I know, “makeup party” sounds pretty gay, but not even half as gay as this photo makes me look.

Wow, it’s amazing what happens when you shave your head and wear a tight black teeshirt. I painted Josh2 (not my brother) up to be the scary clown from the movie “House of 1000 Corpses”, painted a design on Ladyfriend’s face to match her gothic pixie outfit *drool*, and painted flames on Pam’s eyes because she was a devil of some sort. Check us out-

Josh2’s ladyfriend just dressed up to look all hot, and it worked pretty well.

Since we were about to leave, Josh2 and I decided to practice our freaky/badass poses and see if we could stay in character long enough to get through the party. Since we were the only two sober people there, it was somewhat easier for us.

Then someone broke in to the house and I had to spring into action.

As you can see, I promptly pissed in my pants, followed by a lot of sobbing and being held, so I left it up to Josh2 to weird out the intruder. His shirt is funny, since he doesn’t even drink. Get it? I heart booze? Ha.

If you weren’t scared of clowns, you are now. House of 1000 corpses is one helluva sick movie.

So we went to the party and hung around and talked to people. Some girl kept asking me if I was really a cop, so I offered to take her around back for a breathalyzer. Just kidding. I said “If I was a cop, would I give beer to these high school girls?”

The answer is yes. If I were a cop, I would abuse my power in ways not yet conceived.

Since I have no more witty stories about the party, I’ll just post some more pics. Maybe if I had gotten all drunk, I could have made something up. Icantread was invited to this party, but declined. Below are some reasons he will probably be there next year. So will my brother, who opted to dress up as ninjas with a bunch of dudes and hang out in boringtown USA.

Here is my pal Mike, who taught me the ways of Karaoke a few years ago. I hadn’t seen him in at least two years, and he shows up with Melanie, whom I also hadn’t seen in a while.

This is Pam and her friend Jennifer, both of whom I brought to the party so my friends wouldn’t bitch and whine about no single ladies being there.

I was wondering why squirrely Dave hadn’t taken me up on the offer, until I found out that he had been stabbed in the “cash and prizes” by D, who is Skank’s Ladyfriend…or ex ladyfriend…something. I don’t even know, so don’t ask.

Skank’s ladyfriend and my Ladyfriend are pals from way back, and sometimes Skank and I pay them to hug. Life is good. Very good.

So in answer to your question, no, we don’t hang out with ugly chicks. Fortunately, good looking women do happen to grow on trees around here.

On another note, I somehow didn’t get a single picture of Skank. That sucks, ‘cause he was looking sharp dressed as Satan in a red velvet tuxedo.

Oh, I was also going to write something about Mike Jackson slamming little boys in the dumper, but I am still getting over the shock and disbelief that I am feeling, so I’ll do that after I collect myself.

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